Transcendent Joy

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” These are the apostle Paul’s words in chapter 4, verse 4, of his letter to the Philippians. Superficially, this is a nice verse. Paul is telling us to rejoice. When one stops to think though, what he is really saying is quite profound. He is telling us to rejoice always, not only when we are happy or feel like rejoicing. From a worldly standpoint, this makes no sense. How can one rejoice even when their car breaks down, or worse yet, when diagnosed with a terrible disease like cancer? Where does one find hope?

For the former, perhaps a mechanic or new car battery bring hope. For the latter, maybe a doctor or new medical treatment. A fixed car, and even more so, a person cured of cancer, are certainly reasons to rejoice. These reasons to rejoice are temporary and dependent upon circumstances though. Ultimately, the car that was fixed will end up in the junkyard and the person cured of cancer will pass away. These are inevitable. And so, many go through life rejoicing when there is earthly reason to do so and not rejoicing when life goes toward valleys, be they big or small, all the while living in ignorance of the ultimate outcome of everyone’s life.

So, from a worldly perspective, Paul’s words seem strange. Indeed, it would be a strange verse if Paul just wrote, “Rejoice always.” It makes no sense to rejoice always. This world that we live in brings constant tribulation. What he said though was, “Rejoice in the Lord always.” The three words, “in the Lord”, are the key. One can rejoice always in the Lord. A question still remains though: Why can we “Rejoice in the Lord always”?

First, it is necessary to understand who this Lord is. He is a God that loves everyone on this planet deeply. He demonstrated this by coming to earth in the person of Jesus Christ, dying on the cross for our sins, and rising again. In his own words, Jesus said, “I have overcome the world” in John 16:33. How triumphant! 

And yet, one can’t help but go back to what Jesus said just a few words earlier in the same verse, “In this world you will have trouble.” So, should we sink back in despair still? By no means! This is precisely why we can rejoice always. Those who have put their faith in the risen Jesus can rejoice always because their joy is transcendent. That is, no matter what trouble comes about in life, even death, we can rejoice because our joy is built on the fact that Jesus did “overcome the world” by his death and resurrection and has promised eternal life to those that trust in him. 

However, until one comes to the point of reliance on Jesus, joy will remain fleeting and tossed about by circumstance. Once that point is reached though, one is free to “Rejoice in the Lord always”, come what may in life, as they look back to the cross with peace and forward to eternity with expectation all the while resting in Jesus in the present.

A Command and a Miraculous God

One of the central claims of Christianity is that salvation can only be obtained though faith in Jesus. A common objection to this comes in the question: How could a loving and just God condemn to hell those that have never even heard of Jesus? For example, those living in jungles in remote parts of the world. I find this to be a valid question, and it is certainly a question that has led me to think. As such, in what follows, I would like to discuss two thoughts I find important and useful when addressing this question. First, that Jesus commands those that follow him to tell people about him, and second, that God can work in miraculous ways.

In Matthew 28:19-20, Jesus says, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” This is a call to all believers in him to tell people about him. It’s not just a call to tell some people either. It’s a call to tell everyone – “all nations”. Jesus chooses to use his people as the means through which people can get to know him. Certainly, no single person could reach everyone in the world. Even if possible, a person would still be confined to reaching only those alive at that same time in history. That’s the beauty though. Christians comprise a body. Some are called to share locally, while others are indeed called to go to the aforementioned remote parts of the world. 

An amazing example of the latter is the story of Jim and Elisabeth Elliot. Jim was a part of a group of missionaries that was killed in an attempt to make contact with and share about Jesus with a tribe in a remote part of Ecuador. What is amazing though is that, just a few years later, Elisabeth went to Ecuador with their three-year-old daughter and was able to successfully move in with and minister to the same tribe that had killed her husband. 

While Christians are called to tell people about Jesus, it’s also important to remember that God can work in miraculous ways. In Mark 10:23 Jesus exclaimed, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!” At this, his disciples wondered who could be saved. In response Jesus said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God” (Mark 10:27). I could see Jesus responding similarly to those today that wonder how those in remote areas of the world or those that believe in God but perhaps profess a different faith than in Jesus could possibly be saved if indeed Jesus is the only way. We must remember that God can do what is seemingly impossible. 

An example of this comes in the story of an Iranian pastor. While travelling across Iran with his wife he needed to stop to get gas. When going in to pay, he passed by a man with a gun standing outside the door of the gas station. After he had paid and was starting to drive away, his wife told him that he needed to give that man a Bible. He thought she was crazy because he would probably get killed for doing such a thing. She insisted though, and begrudgingly, he turned around and went back to the gas station. Once back there, he walked up to the man and gave him a Bible. The man responded by saying that three nights ago he had had a dream telling him to go to this place because there he would be given the words of life. God can reach people even when Christians can’t. This is not the only story either. I have heard many about Muslims whose initial steps in coming to faith in Jesus involved him coming to them in dreams and/or visions. I trust that God can work in equally miraculous ways with other groups of people too.

To finish, I would like to note one more aspect. Namely, although the answer can be thought  as two-fold, the two pieces are inextricably intertwined. First, even when Christians do share about Jesus, it is only because God first worked the miraculous in them by drawing them unto him and endowing them with his Holy Spirit. This is so evident in the story of Jim and Elisabeth Elliot. There is no way Elisabeth could have lived with and felt the desire to share about Jesus with the people that killed her husband without the love of God in her heart. On the other hand, even though he didn’t need to, God still used people, even a reluctant person, as part of his plan to reveal himself to the man in Iran. It should be noted that all other stories I have heard about people taking the initial steps to faith in Jesus through dreams and/or visions have involved them meeting a Christian too. A final part to this puzzle that all must remember, and hopefully draw comfort from as well, is the fact that God is just. “Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” (Isaiah 30:18).

Immeasurable Worth

In this world, the worth of a person is measured in many ways. A couple of ways include a person’s accomplishments, which often can lead to comparing a person to others, and relatedly, the opinions of people. If you achieve and succeed in this life, you have worth. If others think highly of you, you have worth. Certainly, worth is measured in other ways too, but these two pervade oftentimes, and, even if not explicitly stated, these two tend to occupy our thoughts more than they should. However, living by measuring our worth in these ways will always prove futile. 

Let’s consider measuring worth by accomplishments first. Success is always fleeting, many times in the short-term, but guaranteed in the long-term. As an example, consider the professional golfer Jordan Spieth. In 2015, he burst onto the scene with two major championship wins and made a very legitimate run at the grand slam (winning all four major championships) that year. The next year, at the Master’s (the first major championship of each year), Jordan Spieth was playing great golf yet again and it looked as if he was going to add even further to his ever-expanding list of accomplishments. Unfortunately, he had a major collapse that started by hitting two balls into the water on the twelfth hole. This collapse led to him not winning the tournament and to this quote two years later as he reflected back, “Even though it was still a tremendous week and still was a really good year in 2016, that kind of haunted me and all the questioning and everything. I let it tear me down a little bit. I kind of lost a little bit of my own freedom, thoughts on who I am as a person and as a golfer.” When success was replaced with failure, some of Spieth’s worth unfortunately went with it. This shows just how fleeting success can be in the short-term and also how detrimental it can be to us as people to find our worth in our accomplishments (or lack of accomplishments).

Suppose though that Spieth had won the 2016 Master’s and then fast forward to Jordan Spieth at the age of 70. Certainly, he would be able to hang his hat on one more accomplishment, but by now, Spieth’s elite golfing talent will have surly deteriorated greatly. So, at this point, how does he define his worth? The easy answer is to measure by his myriad past accomplishments. There seems to be a measure of emptiness to this though because assessing worth by past success seems to suggest that Jordan Spieth at age 70 is worth slightly less. A tragic thought indeed. While often fleeting in the short-term, success will surely escape all in the long-run. Since we know that success will eventually leave us, we must not define our worth with success or else our worth will sadly leave, or at the very least deteriorate, too.

Next, let’s consider the related idea of getting our worth through comparison to others. So often, when people do succeed, especially on an elite level, they are faced with the added burden of being compared to others. The basketball player LeBron James is a model case. He is one of the best basketball players ever and he has achieved great heights of success on the basketball court. Unfortunately, instead of enjoying his accomplishments for their own merit, the media almost always compares James and his accomplishments to Michael Jordan. This isn’t just an issue for those more famous than most though. We all struggle with comparing ourselves to others in our own minds, and since we can’t all be the best at everything, our worth will take a hit if we use comparing as our measuring device.

A further facet to this bundle of measuring our worth through success is assigning our worth by the opinions of others. While success is fleeting, the opinions of people shift even faster. Take Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles as an example. Last February he was held in high regard by many as he had led his team to the ultimate accomplishment. Only months later though, as he struggled in the preseason, many were quick to forget his accomplishments and wondered when Carson Wentz would be back from injury and be able to replace Foles as starting quarterback. If Foles was measuring his worth by opinion (and success for that matter), his worth would have dropped a tremendous amount in a span of only months. If we measure our worth by what others think, we will almost always be on a rollercoaster, and we will surely be robbed of our peace as we think and worry about what others think of us.

We are left now to wonder how worth is truly measured. We have seen how measuring worth by success, comparison, and the opinions of others, which are all ways of assigning worth from the outside, come up terribly short. Ultimately, any way of assigning worth that is not intrinsic and transcendent will be unsatisfactory. Such worth can only be found in the God of the Bible because he not only created us but also bought us at a price. 

First, consider that fact that the God of the universe created us. “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). The fact that he created us is awesome, but what really stands out is that he made us in “his own image”. While there have been debates over the years as to what exactly this means; that is, is he referring to how we look or to the fact that we have attributes like being able to love and forgive or perhaps both. I don’t think it really matters. Either way, this is a very profound statement because, not only did he create us, he also made us in a way that bears his image. A verse that I find speaks even further to the care and intricacy with which God made all of us comes in Psalm 139:13, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.” He cared deeply about the details as he created us. We all have intrinsic worth from the beginning of our lives because we were all created with care in the image of the God that loves us. 

This fact that God loves us speaks even more to just how much we are worth. Right from the beginning, we turned away from him to sin as Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the garden of Eden, and to this day, we all struggle with sin. Even though we turned away from him, God came to earth in the person of Jesus Christ and died on the cross for our sins. We were slaves to sin and he paid the ultimate price to buy us back. “You are not your own; you were bought at a price” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). While this fact that he paid for our sins corporately is awesome, it’s great to remember too that he cares about each of us individually.

Just how much God cares for us individually is shown clearly in Luke 15:3-6. “Then Jesus told them this parable: ‘Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home.’” This is a picture of God coming after us. He wants to seek us out individually. He wants to have a personal relationship with us. He loves us that deeply.   These facts further ascribe to us a worth that is truly amazing and truly transcendent. It’s a worth that comes from the God that loves us doing anything to find us.

Ultimately, if we gain our worth through what we achieve, in the short-term, we will be on a rollercoaster at best, or in a state of feeling that we are not worth much at worst. Even more depressing though is the fact that whatever talents we may possess will surely deteriorate in the long-run. This leaves a person in a perpetual state of hanging their hat on the past as they move into their latter years – implying less worth in the present – or feeling that worth has escaped completely with no hope of coming back. The great news though is that success and what people think of us is not where our worth lies. It is in the fact that we have intrinsic worth by being created in the image of God and transcendent worth that comes from Jesus dying on the cross for us and opening the door to being with him forever. That is immeasurable worth.

Relationship, Grace, Power

In recent years I have felt compelled to articulate the uniqueness of Christianity. Three words come to my mind: relationship, grace, and power. In what follows we will explore each of these in turn and the evidence in support of the risen Jesus.

                First, Christianity is a relationship, not a religion. In John 14:6 Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” In Matthew 4:19 Jesus said, “Come, follow me.”  In John 6:28-29 it is written, “Then they asked him, ‘What must we do to do the works God requires?’ Jesus answered, ‘The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.’” Christians are not called to follow rules. We are called to follow and have a relationship with Christ and from that an obedient life springs forth. The causation is flipped. I get the sense that most believe that good works earn salvation. As Christians though, we can’t earn salvation. Salvation comes only by the grace of Jesus Christ on the cross of Calvary. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9). 

                The fifth word in these last verses is paramount. Without grace, there is no relationship. We are separated from God without his grace. “But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear” (Isaiah 59:2). We were lost, but by grace he sought us. “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost" (Luke 19:10). He sought us in our sin. When he found us he then took that sin off us and placed in on himself and bore the punishment for sin – death. That’s grace. 

                If he just died though, then that grace would be left void. It would mean nothing. We need power too. He exhibited that power by rising again! “He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay” (Matthew 28:6). He triumphed over death. As I recently heard Michael Ramsden of Ravi Zacharias International Ministries say, “He doesn’t make bad people good, he makes dead people alive.” Without faith in him, we are dead spiritually. We praise the Lord because he did not leave us in that state. He redeemed us through his death and resurrection. As Jesus said, “Because I live, you also will live” (John 14:19).

                For the power that triumphs over death to be present in us though, we need a relationship with the one that lavished this grace upon us – Jesus. Now you may be wondering, “Is this real?” A great question to ask because we can’t really have a relationship with someone that isn’t living. As the Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 15:19, “If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.” So, how do we know this is real? We look to the evidence. That’s what Jesus said to do when John the Baptist asked if he is the Messiah that was to be expected. “Jesus replied, ‘Go back and report to John what you hear and see: the blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me’” (Matthew 11:4-6). Let’s now examine the evidence.

                In the book Standing in the Fire by Tom Doyle, one of the chapters mentions a Jewish Rabbi from Jerusalem that had a piece of paper handed to him one day. He looked at it, said that it’s clearly about Jesus, and therefore couldn’t take it since it must be from the New Testament. The man that gave him the paper quickly pointed out that it was actually from the Old Testament. To be exact, the verses on the paper came from Isaiah chapter 53. Verse 5 from that chapter says, “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” This verse was written almost 700 years before Jesus was born and describes exactly what he did. It also was the start of the Jewish Rabbi’s road to ultimately following Jesus.

                We can also look to Jesus’ disciples. When Jesus was unjustly arrested and sentenced to the cross his disciples completely turned their backs on him. As Jesus predicted, Peter disowned him three times. The third time is captured in Matthew 26:74, “Then he began to call down curses on himself and he swore to them, ‘I don't know the man!’” The disciples had completely given up on Jesus. It was over. He was dead. They went into hiding. They certainly weren’t proclaiming Jesus as Lord and Savior. And yet, just a short time later in the book of Acts, that is precisely what they are doing. What happened in that short time? The Bible says Jesus rose from the dead. I can’t imagine anything short of that causing such a dramatic change. Especially a change so powerful that all, save one, of the disciples would die for their faith in Jesus. People won’t die for something they know isn’t true. 

                  Next let’s turn our attention to contemporary evidence. Evidence that many in the Western world seem to think is lacking. Some of the most compelling evidence right now is in the Middle East. Most would find it surprising to know that Muslims in the Middle East are turning to Jesus. More correctly put, Jesus is seeking them just as he said he would do for the lost in Luke 19:10. What is amazing is how he is seeking a lot of them – through dreams and visions. The accounts are numerous and awesome. This phenomenon is mentioned in multiple books, but chronicled in most detail in the following three books by Tom Doyle: Dreams and Visions, Killing Christians, and the aforementioned Standing in the Fire. In these books the stories of former Muslims turned followers of Jesus, some via dreams and visions and some by other means, are presented. Some were “on-the-fence” Muslims, but many were devout. One was a professor at an Islamic university. Some were even involved in organizations like ISIS. By following Jesus, they completely gave up their jobs, their security, and their families. Not only did their families disown them, they wanted to and sometimes succeeded in killing them. People don’t completely change their beliefs and even start sharing those beliefs in a place of danger where they will face persecution, suffering, and even death if they aren’t 100% sure what they are believing is real. Such a change also seems improbable without the grace and power of a relationship with the living Jesus.    

                Let’s now turn to one more piece of contemporary evidence. While in Kenya about a year ago a pastor told us a story about one of the first times he was preaching in Kenya. While preaching, men with guns showed up and told him to renounce his faith in Jesus or they would shoot him. He didn’t. So, one of them shot him. The bullet went through his Bible but also got him. They wrapped him in a sheet and left him for dead. A missionary from the Netherlands was lost in the area and happened to find him. This missionary brought the pastor to a hospital and he recovered. The pastor didn’t want to live in fear though. So, some time later he went back to where he was shot to preach again. The man that shot the pastor was there again and came up to him. He told the pastor that, on the same day he shot him, someone else shot and killed his entire family, and since then, he had become a follower of Jesus. The people there wanted him arrested when they heard that he had shot the pastor but the pastor forgave him. That man is now a pastor in one of the churches led by the pastor that he shot. This is a truly amazing story that is laced with the grace and power of Jesus. There is so much that we could dive into and study about this story. I want to focus on the forgiveness though. Forgiveness is something that is so contrary to our fallen nature. Look at the world around us. How many are willing to freely forgive? How many would be willing to forgive someone that shot them and left them for dead? How many would be willing to not only forgive them but also offer them a job? Not even the pastor that was shot is capable of such forgiveness on his own. Only the grace and power of Jesus working through this pastor could explain such forgiveness. 

                Now I turn to you and say that, if you don’t truly know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, find out for yourself if he is real and worth following. I challenge you to first pray. It can be a simple prayer to Jesus asking him to reveal himself to you. Then get a Bible and read one of the Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John. To get a sense of how the Lord is working in modern times, I suggest also reading one of the books by Tom Doyle that I mentioned. Furthermore, I highly recommend the many resources on the Christian faith available at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (rzim.org). The RZIM website has many podcasts and articles that not only talk about reasons for the faith but also how Christianity relates and speaks into the current culture. In fact, if you are someone that would like more information on Christianity before taking my challenge to pray and read the Bible, this is an excellent place to start. Finally, I encourage you to seek out followers of Jesus and talk with them. All of this could take as little as a week or two, but I suspect it will make an impact on your life, and that you will experience the grace backed by power that leads to a relationship with Jesus.     

My Testimony: Snatched by Jesus and a Slow, Steady Blossoming

Introduction

I would like to start out by welcoming you to my new blog. For awhile now I have felt prompted and had a strong desire to share about my faith in Jesus, and I have had a desire to write about him and the Christian faith in general. I want this blog to be for everyone, but I especially want to invite those who don’t have a personal relationship with him to read. All I really ask is that you read with an open mind. He’s done an amazing work in my life, the life of a sinner, by redeeming me through his death and resurrection so many years ago. I really can’t help but tell you about my Lord and following him.

Early Years

Some people have a dramatic story to tell in their testimony of how they came to know Jesus. I have heard multiple stories of those that were on the brink of suicide or even attempted suicide that came to know the light of Jesus even in the midst of those dark and low moments. I have heard many stories of Muslims coming to faith in Jesus through dreams or visions. I praise the Lord for these and so many other amazing testimonies. My story is not so dramatic. I simply turned to the Lord as a child and asked him to be my Savior. That’s what I love about Jesus though, he loves everyone and wants a relationship with them and children are certainly amongst those with which he wants a relationship. He made this clear in Matthew 19:14 when “Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’” What I love equally as much is that it was Jesus that snatched me. I can take no credit. This becomes even more evident when I take a step back. 

My mom had difficulty becoming pregnant. Just the fact that I am here is a miracle. And yet, I know with confidence that the Lord knew what he was doing and created me exactly how he wanted as Psalm 139:13 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.” Not only did he snatch me, he is the one that created me with care from the beginning. Also important is the fact that my mom felt compelled to introduce me to this great God. How my relationship with the Lord began is simple, yet amazing. What I am just as excited to tell you about though is the richness of my journey with him. It all started as a child, but in the years since there has been a blossoming. In the process I have sinned, been challenged, faced difficulties, but even more so, I have seen Jesus do an amazing work in me. I have certainly grown in my relationship with him over the years and look forward to continuing to do so.

From Childhood to High School Graduation

The Christian writer, speaker, and evangelist Ravi Zacharias, who himself came to Jesus after an attempted suicide as a teen, says of Jesus, “He doesn’t just change what you do. He changes what you want to do.” I find this to be such an apt way to describe what the Lord does in a person’s life; it certainly describes well what has happened in my life. As is presumably the case with many children, I wasn’t always excited to go to church or Sunday school or to read my Bible. As I moved into my teens though, this started to change. Not only was worshiping the Lord in church and learning about him through church, Sunday school, and the Bible something I did, I truly wanted to do it. There was a shift; the Lord changed what I wanted to do. There was also a slow, steady change in frequency. That is, prayer and Bible study were important to me, but slowly over time, I reached the point where I wanted to pray and read daily and did so. As I started to read the Bible and pray more and more, I found that it not only gave me a stronger knowledge of the Lord, it also gave me comfort. 

                I have always struggled with worry and at times anxiety in my life, and so, the comfort provided to me by the Lord through his word has been essential to my life. One night stands out in my mind. I was in high school and felt rather anxious as I sat in bed in the evening. I opened my Bible, which had been given as a gift to me by my mom. In the back of this Bible she as well as my dad and grandparents on my mom’s side had all written something. I turned there. My grandma had listed out multiple verses. One of them was Philippians 4:8. I turned my Bible to that verse and read it, which certainly is a great verse, but what really caught my eye and gave me peace were the verses that immediately precede. In those verses, the apostle Paul writes, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:4-7). These verses are amazing! We can rejoice in the Lord always! He is near! We don’t have to be anxious about anything because we can bring anything to him in prayer, and we have this promise of his peace. It’s a peace that is true and transcends because it’s not a peace dependent on anything earthly but a peace that comes from a God that knows what it’s like to be human, loves us deeply, and demonstrated this through dying on the cross that we might live with him eternally. So, even if the worst in life happens – death, we can rejoice and have peace because we know that our eternal home is secure if we are in relationship with him.

                Even though a blossoming started during these years as I drew closer to the Lord through worshipping in church with fellow believers, reading the Bible, and praying, there was (and really there always will be) so much of the journey in front of me. I was still very much focused on myself. Success was very important to me. Serving others and being generous with my time and money were nowhere to be found. My heart was prideful. Even more unfortunate, I wasn’t listening to Jesus’ Great Commission to tell people about him and doing it wasn’t even on my radar.

College Years

                When I went to college, I made the bad assumption that life would get easier. In high school, I wasn’t particularly involved with extracurricular activities, but I did play on the basketball and golf teams and that took up quite a bit of time. I had always been a good student and figured that, in college, school would be my only focus and that life would be much simpler and easier that way. This was very much a thought in error though.

                Two and a half months into college a friend of mine died unexpectedly. I had been with him just hours before. He was a senior in high school at the time and mentioned that he was thinking of coming to the college I was attending. Initially, I was in shock. I didn’t cry. I didn’t feel much emotion really. I went to the funeral just fine. A few days later I finally did break down and cry. What happened next caught me off guard. The next Monday during an Intro to Programming exam, I started to feel panicked, like I needed to leave the room immediately. It was a completely foreign feeling to me. In the moment, I realized that I must be having a panic attack. The Lord carried me through though and I finished the exam. For those that have never had a panic attack, it is not like worry at all. It is scary. Like things are spinning out of control and there is no way for you to get them back in control. Throughout my life I had had tendencies towards worry and anxiety, but this was very new, and presumably spurred by the death of my friend. 

                It would have been fine if this panic attack was an isolated incident. Unfortunately, it was not. Over the course of the next few years life became difficult. It wasn’t as if I was always having panic attacks, although they would come sometimes. It was more just anxiety in general and the fear that a panic attack could come at any moment. Just sitting through classes in college became challenging as a result and taking exams and giving presentations in classes were not activities that I looked forward to. I resolved to not let this difficulty control my life though and decided early to continue living life as I had without anxiety and panic attacks. More importantly, I drew closer to God during this time. Reading his word and praying sustained me. I also gained more insight and wisdom. I started to realize that earthly success isn’t what we are called to by any means and that God’s comfort isn’t a comfort that comes from removing suffering in life but a comfort that comes through the Lord giving us the strength to endure suffering. It is a comfort that comes in the midst of suffering. My trust in the Lord grew over this time as I needed to lean on him each day to make it through. I had to step out in faith and trust that he would be there, and when I did, he always was. I truly do have to give all the glory to him for carrying me through college. What was awesome too is that, slowly, over time, the Lord relieved my panic attacks and anxiety a lot. They are still present once in awhile in my life now, but nowhere close to the extent to which they intervened in my life in my first couple years of college.

                I had come into college with the idea that life would get easier. As you now know, quite the opposite happened. Did I want to face difficulty in the way I did? No. At the same time though, would I want to go back and change that part of my life? Definitely no! I have found in life that there is so much to be learned in suffering; so much wisdom to be gleaned. It also equips us for giving comfort to others that suffer. Also, for someone that turns to the Lord in those times, there is tremendous growth in the relationship that matters most in life – the one with the God that created us. What’s great about the Christian faith, which I find to be unique, is that we follow a God that knows suffering intimately. He knows what it is like to be human. He came to the earth as Jesus, was tempted as we are, yet was without sin, and suffered more than we can imagine by dying on the cross for our sins. He didn’t stay far away. He is a God that comes near that we can have a relationship with, and in those times of suffering, we can have peace because we know that he understands and has felt what we are going through. Even more awesome, is that he promises eternal life with him. Of this eternal life, it is said, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:4).

Graduate School

After graduating from college, I pursued a master’s degree. During this time, the quote by Ravi Zacharias, “He doesn’t just change what you do. He changes what you want to do”, rang truer than ever. It came in small ways. One was being more generous, because really, we are just stewards of the resources that God gives us, and it helps to kill the greed that is so natural in all of our hearts. At this point in my life, it would have been easy to justify not giving as I didn’t have much. It would have been easy to wait until I had my master’s degree and a good paying job. But I am a firm believer that, if we are going to be faithful with a lot, we first need to be faithful with a little. These aren’t my words either, they come straight from Jesus, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?” (Luke 16:10-12). 

This desire to change what I did and wanted to do came in much more profound ways too. I didn’t know it at the time, but the seeds of this change actually started in college. That is one thing that is great about the Lord. He works in ways that we can tell he is working when we are in the moment, but sometimes we don’t detect what he is doing or starting in the moment. This was the case when I was invited during the summer after my first year in college to attend a study of the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. In this book, Francis wrote of a Christianity that involved giving, and living, and loving sacrificially. It involved following Jesus at all costs and telling others about him. Not only that, he taught that this is really how God wants all Christians to live. In the moment, it felt somewhat foreign, and so, I didn’t do much with it. 

Moving forward to the summer after my first year in grad school, I had a lot of time on my hands as I was living in an apartment by myself and hadn’t really made friends where I was. One day it dawned on me that I should take advantage of this time. What came to my mind was the idea that I should start watching sermons on YouTube. As for who to listen to, the name that came to my mind was Francis Chan. This might seem strange since I hadn’t really done much with what he taught in his book Crazy Love, but I knew that he was a nationally known pastor that surely had videos on YouTube. 

As I listened, I encountered exactly what I had heard four years earlier but now it was resonating with me; it was convicting me. I listened to multiple sermons by Francis Chan. I started to listen to others too. David Platt was one in particular that stood out. David’s words were challenging too, but they matched up with what the Bible says. That’s one thing I loved about their preaching. They point people to the Bible and Jesus. Not to their own words. Ultimately, it was Jesus that was convicting me with challenging statements. In Matthew 10:38, 39, Jesus says that “anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” These are very difficult statements indeed. Basically, what he is saying is that we need to give our lives to him. He wants everything. Not just our Sunday mornings. These statements might seem too demanding. One must remember though who Jesus is. He is God. He created us. Not only that, he loves us deeply and died on the cross for us. I think it bears remembering just how short our lives here are and that he promises eternal life with him. 

There’s another thing that Jesus says that is challenging for me too. He tells us to tell people about him – everywhere. “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:19, 20). Being someone that hadn’t really shared his faith, and generally not liking the potential for challenging conversations with people (not that a conversation about Jesus has to be, but it can be), this was difficult. I knew though that I needed to and wanted to follow this Great Commission by Jesus to tell everyone about him. In the years since this conviction I have shared my faith some, but not as much as I would have liked to. I trust though that the Lord will give me the courage, strength, and opportunity to share about him in the coming years. I am excited to share about him.

Finally, the Lord brought about a desire in my heart that just years before would have sounded not like me at all, but it tied in closely with the Lord’s desire for his followers to tell others about him. That is, the desire to go on a foreign mission trip. This desire grew in my heart and I knew that I needed to go. I knew that the Lord wanted me to go. When and where I was not sure, but I knew that the Lord would fill in those details. Once again, the Lord had changed what I wanted to do, and to be frank, in a rather dramatic way. When I left grad school, I had earned a master’s degree, but even more than that, the Lord had molded me more into who he wanted me to be.

Recent Years

In recent years, the molding of my grad school years has been transferred into more action. Most notably, in February of 2016 I reached out to a group that goes on mission trips that I had become aware of, and in November of 2016, I found myself on a mission trip in Kenya. There is so much that I could say about my time there. It was an awesome and very freeing time. The Lord worked in many ways. Many of which I probably won’t know on this side of eternity. One of personal significance is how he worked through me. 

While there, one of our duties was to teach the youth. I have never been particularly fond of public speaking, but through college and getting to teach math during grad school and the year after graduating, I had gotten plenty of experience with public speaking. However, when giving presentations in college or teaching, I always had everything planned out and practiced meticulously multiple times. Now in Kenya with this task of teaching a room packed with up to 60 youth, I had little time to practice. The night before our first official teaching day I was quite nervous, but I knew that the Lord had brought me there for a reason and that I needed to step out in faith in him. Multiple times throughout the trip I found myself in front of many youth with my Bible. I would open to the passage that I felt the Lord wanted me to teach on and I would read and teach. What is amazing is how the Lord just spoke through me and especially through his word. I can take no credit, it was him at work. It really was awesome to be doing something like speaking publicly, which is outside my comfort zone, and to do it with ease. The words were always there. When it’s the Lord’s words that you are speaking it is easy though. I stepped out in faith and he was there, just like he always has been. 

As I move towards concluding, I would like to address a couple more ways in which the Lord has been working in my life recently. One is a huge answered prayer: my wife. I don’t think there is anything for my own life that I have prayed for more or dreamed of more than getting married to the right woman. This year that prayer came true as I got to marry my best friend who is a woman that is forgiving, kind, compassionate, beautiful, loves me, and most importantly, loves Jesus. While it’s easy to focus on this ultimate answer of “Yes”, it’s equally important to remember the “No” answers along the way. Multiple times I prayed that I would be able to marry or a least date a young lady and the answer would come back “No”. I am so grateful for those answers. Not that there was anything wrong with those young ladies, but because the Lord knew that a relationship with them wouldn’t be right for me or them. I firmly believe that the Lord always answers prayer, it’s just not always the answer we want in the moment. I’m glad that the Lord doesn’t always just give us what we want though. He loves us and knows what’s best for us, and he sees from an eternal perspective. Not the temporal perspective from which we operate. To draw an analogy that I have heard multiple times before, it’s like a child going to the doctor. In the moment, the child may think that a parent is mean for bringing them to the doctor. However, the parent knows that it will be for the child’s overall good. In life, we are the children and God is the parent that knows best.

I have also enjoyed coming to see more and more of the evidence for Jesus and God in general in recent years. The evidence comes in many forms. From Muslims coming to faith in Jesus through him coming to them in dreams and visions as I mentioned earlier. Some of whom have paid with their lives for doing so. To the scientific finding that the universe had a beginning, which begs the question: how can something come from nothing? As a Christian, I believe that a God outside of space and time is the most plausible answer. To the fact that, without a God, life is meaningless. That is, if life ends in the grave for everyone, does anything accomplished on earth really matter? By no means is this an exhaustive list, but just a few examples.

Conclusion

To conclude, I would first like to briefly state what I believe. We are all sinners in need of a savior. I am certainly included. The God that created us and loves us came to earth as Jesus, lived a perfect life, died on the cross for our sins, rose again, ascended to heaven, and desires to have us turn to him in relationship. In Christianity, it’s not religion, it’s relationship, and it’s not just belief, it’s identity. As a Christian, my identity is in Christ Jesus and everything in my life flows from that. 

With that being said, the journey to this point has been a blossoming. By no means am I a flower in full bloom though. I believe that won’t come until I am with Jesus. I am excited though to see how the Lord continues to work in my life. Even now there are so many ways he is at work. From helping me to lay down my life for him, my wife, and others to better trusting his will to pursuing sharing him more with others (hence this blog). The journey with Jesus truly does have an amazing richness to it as he makes us more and more like him and draws us into a closer relationship with him. 

Thank you so much for reading this. By no means does this recount my entire journey to this point with Jesus, but it is a sampling of the route I have taken. In future posts, I aim to share more about Jesus and the Christian faith. If you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus or if you do, I invite you to continue reading in the future. I have a desire to share about him that I cannot contain. It brings much joy. As life is busy, I can’t promise to write often, but as the Lord leads and opportunity presents, I hope to write.